Cookie Crumbs
by Tribbith
Summary: Finn and Rachel get their wires crossed, leading to too much fun with a metaphor.


**Written for Jackie (thejaxter) as part of The Finchel Secret Santa Project on Tumblr. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and happy new year!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Glee, ho hum.**

His first Christmas in glee club sucked ass, 'cause Quinn wasn't really having his baby, Puck wasn't really his best friend, and he didn't hear from Rachel, like, _at all _(something about being a Jew or whatever)_._ It sucked even harder when he found the neatly wrapped present hidden under his bed, his scratchy handwriting addressing it to 'Quinn and our baby', 'cause he'd forgotten all about it. He ripped the paper off the tiny baby grow thing and choked up as soon as he saw the words 'I love my daddy' on the material.

His second Christmas in glee club somehow ended up sucking even more. As much as he'd loved his- _Puck's_ baby, he'd loved Rachel more than that, and he hadn't expected to spend his holidays crying over his broken heart and cursing over the guy who couldn't keep his hands to himself.

So that's why Finn was determined to make his third Christmas in glee club _spectacular_. Thinking about it though, it didn't even have to be that good to beat the previous two, and as long as he could hold onto Rachel, he'd be content.

"This is a pleasant change from last year."

Finn looked up at his step-brother, who was holding two glasses of milk in his hands, and he grinned like an absolute loser because warm milk was one of the best inventions of the modern world.

"The curtains? Mom says they make the room light up or something, but I can't tell the difference."

Kurt snorted and rolled his eyes playfully before handing Finn his milk, and he watched in amusement as the huge boy practically swallowed it all in one gulp. "Actually, I was referring to the fact that you're happy this year." He nudged his legs out of the way on the bed before sinking down beside him, and Finn nodded his acknowledgement, but said nothing. "You are happy, aren't you?"

"Yeah, totally!" he beamed, and he licked his milk moustache away before nodding. "Everything's so perfect, and it seems insane to think that a year ago I was depressed and shit." He drunk the rest of his milk, and grunted his appreciation when Kurt offered him the glass he brought for himself. "Thanks man, this stuff is the bomb."

"Don't mention it." Kurt bit his lip and tried his best to act nonchalant, but Finn knew him too well, and he readied himself for whatever was coming his way. "So, I've been thinking about Christmas sex and-"

Finn practically fell off his bed as he tried to cover his ears, and he shook his head over and over while Kurt's cheeks flushed with colour. "Too much info, _way_ too much info!"

"Stop being such a boy and listen to me!"

"No."

"Finn, all I'm asking-"

"No."

"But it's not even-"

"_No."_

"Are you planning on surprising Rachel with Christmas sex?" Finn opened and closed his mouth a few times like an overgrown goldfish, and Kurt used it as an opportunity to continue. "I'm just wondering if it's one of those things that is blown out of proportion by certain members of society-"

"Santana," Finn interjected, and Kurt nodded, his face a shocking shade of white.

"Yes, Santana especially. I overheard her talking about how sex at Christmas is-"

"Dude, enough with that word," whined Finn, and Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"Have you and Santana fallen out again?"

"What? No, I mean..." He fidgeted awkwardly before he shrugged and avoided Kurt's gaze. "S-sex." At the scoffing noise that left his brother, he made another whining sound as he shrugged for a second time. "It's weird, alright? I still have trouble talking to _Puck_ about that stuff, and don't get me started on how wrong it is when you talk at me like that."

Kurt stuck out his chin out and huffed in a really weird way that reminded Finn of an angry lizard or something, and he grabbed the glass of milk that was half full and angled it towards Finn's head. "Is it because I'm _gay?"_ he spluttered as he started to tip the glass.

"No, nothing like- Kurt, don't you _dare_ throw that over me, or I swear to God, I'll take a pair of scissors to that weird collection of scarves that you keep under your bed."

Kurt hesitated before finishing the milk off himself, and when he slumped down on the bed, Finn patted his shoulder. "I'm just worried that I'm going to screw up my first Christmas with Blaine."

"I thought you didn't believe in God?" asked Finn with a frown, and he watched in confusion as his brother's cheeks pinked slightly under his scrutiny.

"I don't, per se, b-but it's, well it's really-"

"Tis the season," said Finn with a nod, and as if that was some wise saying that made everything better, he squeezed Kurt's shoulder. "Okay, look, I'll talk about it with you, so long as we call it something else."

"Excuse me?"

"Finn Hudson, field agent for Lima CTU!" he practically yelled, and he jumped off the bed as he pretended to shoot a fake gun in the air. Kurt just watched on in horror (he'd always known that the boy was a little off), and after a few 'shots' rang through the air, Finn sat down again. "CTU stands for counter terrorist unit, you know, the organisation Jack Bauer works for on 24."

"Yes, yes, I get the reference, you forced me to watch the first season with you last year. What are you trying to say?"

Finn scratched the back of his neck as he tried to remember his brilliant idea, though all he could think about was how much he wanted to be an agent like Jack (seriously, could he actually do that? Maybe New York had a counter terrorist unit too? He'd have to ask Rachel later).

"Oh, yeah, okay, code name, this thing needs a code name."

Kurt hung his head in his hands with an overly loud sigh. "And what would that be?"

"Christmas sex," Finn whispered, as if he was worried that someone would overhear them, "will now be referred to as Christmas cookies."

"Oh lord," muttered Kurt, and he felt a hand clap him on the shoulder.

"That's the spirit! Okay, so what cookie questions do you have exactly?"

"Really?" the smaller boy scoffed. "We're really doing this?"

"Go and ask Puck if you want, I'm sure he won't embarrass you." Finn grinned in victory when Kurt sighed with a nod, and he made himself comfortable on his bed as he waited for what he needed to say.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth, "fine. Santana claims that Christmas se- Christmas _cookies_ are an important part of the holiday, and that so called 'traditions' must come into play." He cleared his throat and avoided Finn's gaze as he continued. "Such as... such as _costumes_ and music and ribbons wrapped around peni-"

"Yeah yeah, I t-think I get that." He sucked in a breath, trying to ignore the fact that Kurt was waiting for some kind of answer that would show him the light. "Why not just make it special in the way that you both, you know, like it?"

Kurt furrowed his brow. "I don't understand what you mean."

"Right, okay, like... You and Blaine have had cookies together how many times?"

"Three times," he said a little nervously, and Finn had to resist the urge to raise his eyebrows in surprise; was that all?

"Okay, and those three times were probably kinda similar, right? I don't need details, uh, but were they all chocolate chip?"

"I have a feeling I'm going to get lost in this ridiculous metaphor," said Kurt under his breath, though he nodded regardless. "Yes, they were chocolate chip. But what if he expects something special? Something like-"

"Mint chocolate chip?" Finn offered, and his brother nodded meekly. "I dunno Kurt, I think you should talk to Blaine about it. What if you plan everything to be a different flavour without telling him, and it turns out he hates mint? Or what if he's full from the last cookie you shared, and he only wants the crumbs? Or what if he has a cookie on his own, and he's had enough of them for a while?"

While Kurt said nothing, his face a little pale, Finn's stomach rumbled in response, and the two of them shared a slightly awkward laugh. "I suck dude, I'm sorry. Look, if you're worried that it has to be a big deal, just be honest with Blaine. Tell him you want it to be special, and you'll probably find that he's been worrying about the same thing."

"Thanks Finn," said Kurt softly, and he gave him a genuine smile as he patted his arm. "No, honestly, thank you, and if I find any cute ribbons, I'll be sure to ask for your approval on them."

"I don't need to see your candy cane ribbons, but uh, thanks all the same."

"And candy cane is now a code name for penis?" A nod and a grin said all that needed to be said, and as Kurt left the room, Finn began to wonder about his own situation with Rachel.

He didn't listen to half the stuff Santana said, 'cause in fifth grade she'd convinced him there was a sea monster in the boys' bathroom, and he'd gotten detention for peeing in the girls' sink. This Christmas sex stuff was another lie, right? It had to be, and he figured that as long as two people loved each other, it would be special anyway.

As he turned on his tv and grabbed the controller for his Xbox, he sent Rachel a text (_i'm shooting zombies and thinking of you, babe x) _and snuggled down in his bed. Yeah, this stuff was overrated, and so long as he got her a kickass gift, he had nothing to worry about.

**Glee!**

"You can be so vulgar sometimes," said Rachel with a sigh, and it didn't help when Santana simply laughed in her face.

"And you can be such a frickin' prude. Seriously Berry, lighten up."

Rachel _hated_ that phrase. Lighten up; who did Santana think she was? She was a star, thank you very much, and lighting up was what she did best. "I resent that remark, and-"

Santana yawned and rolled her eyes at Brittany, who giggled as she continued to decorate the tree. "Whatever, I don't have time for this, so I'm gonna ask you again; does Finn fart when he's excited?"

"Do I w-what?"

Rachel's head snapped towards the door of the choir room, and the weight on her chest was lifted immediately when he smiled at her like she was the only girl in the world. "Just ignore Santana, she's being rude."

"I just heard a rumour that you like to let one go when you're happy," said Santana with a shrug. "It's kinda gross, but I likes to know these things for blackmailing purposes."

"He most certainly does not!" Rachel all but shrieked, though she lowered her voice when two warm, familiar arms snaked around her waist. Sometimes she found it very difficult to have a civilised conversation with Santana, but it suddenly seemed less of a chore when she could rest her head against her boyfriend's chest.

"Kurt told me about your little cookie conversation," Santana said with a hiss (it was supposed to be some kind of laugh, but it came out like a cackle). "I swear to God, Finn, I love being your friend _just_ for these ridiculous moments."

"Cookies?" asked Rachel with a frown, and she tilted her head up to see Finn's face turn a funny shade of green.

"Oh yeah, Finny's dying to eat lots and lots of special Christmas cookies with you, and he really wants to lick the crumbs off of your-"

"Okay Santana, that's enough." Rachel was even more confused when Finn's voice cracked mid-sentence, and judging by the look on Santana's face, she was obviously missing the point of their conversation. "I'm okay with having c-cookies now and again, so let's just drop it."

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late!" As Mr Schue took his regular place beside the whiteboard, Finn tugged Rachel to a seat and spent the entire rehearsal stroking her knee, but it did little to rid her of the worry that had settled in her stomach. Was he hiding something? She couldn't begin to fathom how cookies could be misinterpreted in any way, and as the final hour drew to a close, she was none the wiser about the situation.

Maybe Finn was upset that she'd stopped baking for him as much as she once had? Last year, she'd bombarded him with banana bread and apple pies and cupcakes of every shape and size (that rhymed, and she smiled to herself at her uncanny ability to make music out of everything). This year, she'd toned it down a little. For one thing, she didn't want to fatten Finn up (_not_ that she wouldn't love a slightly plumper Finn, but she knew he'd become a little more self-conscious about his diet after watching the things Burt had to avoid).

For another, she just didn't have the time. She'd had so many rehearsals for the musical and glee club, and when her time wasn't spent practicing solos, her mouth remained firmly attached to her boyfriend's. Therefore, she'd only had the chance to make one loaf of banana bread in the past month, and she couldn't even remember the last time she'd made any form of cookie for him.

Of course, that had to be it; Santana had somehow found out that Finn missed eating her cookies, and now he was embarrassed for appearing ungrateful.

"Would you like to come over?" she asked as Finn lifted her into his truck (he didn't need to do that anymore, since she'd _finally_ gotten the hang of jumping in herself, but she knew how much he enjoyed touching her butt, so she didn't feel any need to protest).

"Now?"

She smiled with a nod as she patted his knee. "Yes. I thought I could make you some cookies, seeing as though it's nearly Christmas; it could even be part of your gift if you'd like." She waited for him to throw his hands in the air and cheer in victory, but he didn't. Hell, she expected some kind of smile at _least_, but he instead became incredibly fidgety, and he barely offered her a nod to confirm he'd heard her.

"W-where are your dads?"

"Visiting a friend, so if you're worried about licking the bowl clean, they won't be there to chastise you," she said with a wink, though her smile faded when he looked like he was going to pass out. "Finn, what's going on? You've been acting strange ever since you spoke to Santana."

"No I haven't." He reversed out of the parking lot and began the journey to her house, though instead of chattering away about his day, he remained uncharacteristically quiet.

"Is it what Santana said about you passing wind?"

The noise that came out of his mouth was a mixture of a splutter and a laugh, and she watched in amusement as his whole face turned a less than flattering shade of pink. "N-no! No."

"Because it's okay. Boys have a tendency to do that kind of thing more than girls, and-"

"Rach-"

"I've heard you several times and thought nothing of it, so-"

"_Rach-"_

"What is it?"

He shook his head and licked his lips, and Rachel didn't hear what he said next because she was too preoccupied with the way his mouth seemed to glisten, inviting her in, despite the fact that he was driving.

"Earth to Rachel?"

"Sorry, I was um, daydreaming."

He laughed under his breath and cocked an eyebrow in her direction, and she pretended not to notice the way his eyes seemed to smoulder at her. "You were staring at my mouth."

"No I wasn't!" she squeaked.

"You really wanna kiss me, don't you?" He grinned in such a cocky way that Rachel was close to rolling her eyes, but if anyone could pull off the 'stud' attitude, it was Finn. To make matters worse, he purposefully dragged his tongue along his lips, and Rachel couldn't help but whimper.

"Y-you're driving," she whispered, and smiling from ear to ear, he pulled the truck over to the side of the road before he parked up, his eyes never leaving hers (she'd have to have words about his reckless driving habits another time).

"Now I'm not," he breathed, and as he leaned over to her, lips puckered, she sighed in defeat and met his mouth with what could only be described as a desperate moan.

It was more than worth the accusatory glare of the police officer who asked them to move along an hour later.

**Glee!**

"I think I should have the suitable ingredients already in stock. As you know, my daddy loves to make pancakes every morning, and he always keeps a variety of fresh produce in the fridge in case he's feeling adventurous."

"Y-yeah, awesome." Staring at her ass as he followed her into the kitchen, Finn tried to rid himself of all sexy thoughts.

It was impossible though. Like, Rachel wouldn't stop talking about cookies, and after his lady chat with Kurt, all he could associate cookies with was _sex_. It wasn't like they didn't talk about it, 'cause after their epic first time, they'd become more and more adventurous (and intimate). Itt was just embarrassing, 'cause if he explained why he was being so awkward about it, she'd no doubt get mad at him for not being a good brother to Kurt or something.

Seriously though, it was as if she knew about the metaphor; he was pretty sure he'd never heard her say 'if you're good, I'll let you lick a little of the cookie dough from my finger' before, and at _that_ image, he'd had to sit down and cross his legs so the bulge in his pants hadn't given him away.

"I miss baking," she sighed, and Finn looked up to see her weighing out the ingredients. "I also miss watching you enjoy my food." The tiny smile on her lips made him temporarily forget about his predicament, and his mouth twitched with a grin.

"You're totally talking about all the groaning and stuff, aren't you?"

Rachel shook her head, but judging by the way her cheeks flushed, he was right, and he couldn't help but laugh. "Not at all. You just look especially cute when you're eating."

"Ohhhh, oh God, baby, this tastes so gooooood," he pretended to moan, and while Rachel began to flick flour at him in between squeals of laughter, he retaliated by grabbing a handful of the stuff, which ended up in her hair. "Woah."

Rachel caught her breath as she looked up at him, and even though she was covered in the white mess, she rested a hand on his cheek in concern. "What is it, Finn?"

"I'm such an _idiot."_

She tutted and pressed a kiss to his flour-covered chest. "No you're not. What's brought this on?"

"We're baking," he said slowly, and she raised an eyebrow at him, though said nothing as she waited for him to continue. "When we were sophomores, when Artie needed that bus thing, the baking, and I thought that-" He shook his head in shock. "I totally walked in on a moment."

"I don't understand."

Finn pursed his lips, and even though they were both covered in flour, he pulled her against his chest as he hugged her tightly, and she didn't hesitate to return it. "Remember when we had that bake sale for Artie? I walked into the home ed kitchens to find Quinn, and she was with Puck." He felt her stiffen slightly in his grasp, and he kissed her hair to try and reassure her (though that was probably a bad idea, since he ended up with flour all over his mouth). "She looked like us, only, like, a lot worse, with eggs and chocolate stuff all over her, and Puck was covered in the ingredients too, and just- Wow, how did I not see they were into each other?"

"Poor baby," he heard Rachel coo, and despite the fact that he was feeling slightly pissed off that he hadn't discovered Quinn and Puck's secret sooner, he smiled at how awesome Rachel was, and it didn't really matter, did it? That had all happened for a reason, and considering the love of his life was wrapped firmly around him, he couldn't have asked for a better turn out.

"I love you," he whispered, and he smiled even wider when he heard her whisper it back, 'cause he literally lived to hear her say it. He prised himself away and ran a hand through her hair, and as the flour fell to the floor, he bit his lip to try and stop himself from laughing. "So, um, cookies, right?"

"Yes, cookies! Honestly, you're a terribly sexy distraction." She stood on the tips of her toes to pull him in for a heated kiss, and when he thought he was going to have to do her on the kitchen counter, she broke away to once again measure out the ingredients.

It was nice, really. Okay, so maybe Finn sucked at baking, and he couldn't exactly contribute much, but it was awesome just watching her in her element, especially when her element smelt so delicious. He loved everything about it, from Rachel requesting song suggestions that she could sing while she worked (the best ones were those she didn't know the lyrics to, and she'd try and improvise with disastrous results), to the fact that she kept looking at him like he was the best thing since sliced bread (he never really understood that saying though, 'cause he could think of tons of things that were better than bread).

"The first ones are done!" she announced, and Finn's stomach grumbled in appreciation as she pulled the tray out from the oven. The cookies came in all shapes and sizes, from Christmas trees to hearts, and he loved that she'd gone all out to try and make him happy. "I'll let you try an unfrosted one while I quickly call Kurt." She blew him a kiss, and a very content Finn grabbed it in his hand and pretended to spread it on his cookie. "I'll be right back!"

**Glee!**

Rachel left the kitchen with a huge smile on her face. She'd done it! Even though she wasn't entirely sure what the cause of Finn's earlier mood was, she'd finally managed to coax him out of it, and the boy who was shovelling cookies into his mouth like there was no tomorrow was the one she knew and loved.

She pressed her cell phone to her ear as she examined the floury damage in the mirror, and she sighed to herself at how long it would take to wash it out.

"_Kurt Hummel speaking."_

"Hi Kurt, it's me."

"_Ah, Miss Rachel Berry! To what do I owe this pleasure?"_

Rachel rolled her eyes as she located a brush and began to try and coax away some of the flour. "You texted me, asking if Finn was here, remember? I just thought I'd let you know that he is, and we're making cookies together."

Caught off guard, she was nearly deafened by the screeching on the other end of the phone, and she was forced to hold her cell away from her ear until it died down. "_Making c-cookies?" _gasped Kurt, and Rachel huffed in annoyance.

"Why is everyone acting so strangely about this? I love making cookies for Finn! Granted, this is the first time in a while that I've had the opportunity, but he's enjoying them so far!"

"_Oh I'm sure he is,"_ said Kurt with a chuckle. "_I have a story to tell you, Miss Berry, and I think you might be able to have a little fun with it."_

**Glee!**

"Babe, is everything okay? You've been a while!"

After Rachel had managed to contain her giggles, she tried to gain some composure. She was an actress, she could do this, and she knew the end result would be worth it.

Skipping into the room, she walked over to her boyfriend and jumped into his lap. Before he could ask her what was up, she attacked his mouth with her own, and it didn't take long for Finn to reciprocate.

She wasn't so great at teasing him. It might have come as a surprise to some, but Finn had a wonderful way of getting whatever he wanted with a simple flutter of his eyelashes, and since she was a sucker for his puppy dog face, Rachel usually gave in every single time (except on one occasion when he'd suggested some strange sexual position, though only because she was definitely sure she couldn't bend that way).

"I love making cookies with you," she murmured, and she took great delight in the way his body stiffened almost immediately. Her lips found his neck, and while he let out a low humming noise, she whispered against his skin as her hands ran up and down his chest. "It's so satisfying, don't you think? As the oven begins to heat up, you get to run your hands through the dough, doing whatever you want to. It's fun, isn't it baby?"

"Nnngh, yeah, it r-really is."

Part of her couldn't believe she was doing it, yet a smaller, almost dangerous part simply _loved_ it. They hadn't really experimented with dirty talk, and after Finn had chickened out as soon as he'd let slip the word 'pussy', they hadn't tried it since.

This was a little unorthodox, that was a given, but so was their relationship, and Rachel thought it suited them to a T.

"And once you have the dough right where you want it, the heat gets turned up, and everything becomes more intense until there's a climax when-"

"He told you, didn't he?"

Rachel looked up at Finn, the moment lost, and tried to keep a straight face. "What are you talking about? I'm just describing the experience of making cookies."

"If that's really the case, you need to work on your descriptions, 'cause that sounded an awful lot like a sex metaphor or something." When her body started shaking with silent giggles, Finn growled under his breath before he chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "I'm actually gonna kill him."

"Christmas cookies, F-Finn?" she said between laughs. "You're just so _cute."_

"Unlike you, who thought it would be fun to torment me." He cupped her face in his hands, and brushing his thumbs over her cheeks, he raised an eyebrow as he watched her. "Kurt put you up to this, didn't he?"

She nodded (it seemed futile to resist) before she bit her lip with another laugh. "He told me to suggest making cookies with Noah to make you jealous, but I thought that was a little too mean."

"Oh, 'cause mocking me wasn't mean enough." He sighed as he ran his hand through her hair. "What am I gonna do with you, huh? I think you owe me a _lot_ of cookies to make up for this."

Rachel licked her lips, her eyes wide and shining, and she quickly jumped off his lap to grab a bowl of unused dough. "Come on then," she said, her voice slightly higher than usual. "Let's make some cookies together."

"Yeah yeah, hilarious."

"No, Finn, you're not listening." Though her hand was shaking (she was sure she was never going to pull off the sexy vibe), she pulled her reindeer sweater over her head, and taking pleasure in the way Finn looked like he was going to pass out, she scooped up a blob of dough and brushed it over her collarbone. Yes, it may not have been one of the most seductive of gestures, but it had the right effect on her boyfriend, who charged at her like a man possessed. With an enthusiasm that made her squeal in delight, he scooped her up in his arms and galloped up the stairs, the bowl of cookie dough firmly in her hands.

She really did love Christmas.


End file.
